The Daily Hawk!
The Daily Mail’s Cry For Help Has Been Answered
by Peter Wilson
Responding to popular calls from the Daily Mail and Nigel Farage, African leaders met in Kinshasa yesterday to discuss the growing floods crisis in the United Kingdom.
‘The images of knee-high water have shocked us all’, said Congo’s President Kabila, whose nation is currently recovering from the most brutal conflict in recorded history since the Second World War.
‘The [Daily] Mail and Mr Farage have made it clear that Britain’s international aid budget, used around the globe to combat AIDS, famine and female genital mutilation, is needed in High Wycombe.
‘Well, we can do one better’.
Governments across the continent have drawn up assistance packages to help the hundreds of Britons forced to sleep in poorly funded community centres, often for days at a time.
‘It is unimaginable’, said Kabila before the assembled statesmen in Kinshasa, ‘In Henley-upon-Thames…
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I ran in the Devil’s Burdens Relay just over a week ago, and I can’t resist a bit of wordplay!
My club, the Lomies (Lomond Hill Runners AAC) fielded 2 teams for this; fast men (the Glums) and men-who-know-better (the Glees). We had some women running with Carnethy Ladies “B” as well, which we decided should be the Glams.
I ran with the Glums, in Leg 1, which is the ‘trail’ leg, following straightforward forest tracks. Legs 2-4 are proper hill runs, with lots of climbing (obviously) and navigational skills called for. I’ve been in slightly dicky health since New Year, hardly running at all, so it was hardly a surprise that I felt sluggish by my standards, but it was still good fun. The Glums finished 13th overall, but I came in 35th at the end of my leg, so I think Jason Drag Anchor Harrison would be an apposite moniker for me for here on.
Actually, I’ve just done a quick analysis of the results and, because Leg 1 is relatively brief, even if I’d ran a blinder I would have done extremely well to have gained the Glums 2 places overall: I could probably have bumped us up to 12th if I’d been ‘on form’. running is for fun for most anyway, so guilt has no place and I’m certainly not beating myself up!